i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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