just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
