Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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