i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
