3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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