i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
