Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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