I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
how does that bad decision feel?
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