and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
