If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
