I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
