no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
