Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
