there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
