good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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