Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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