she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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