Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
