in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
