considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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