I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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