I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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