My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
