My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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