my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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