You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
