Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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