Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
