You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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