This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
