Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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