I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
