I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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