Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
