listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
