Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
