ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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