we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
