I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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