we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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