I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We're too hungover to prance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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