is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
