So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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