The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
