I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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