remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
