just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
