You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
