1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Please don't give away my fajitas
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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