I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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