Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
