I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
