I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
