okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
