i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
