life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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