thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize