I love black thongs
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
