She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
