we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
