My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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