She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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