i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
