What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
