I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize