I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
