that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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