dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
