one might say we're banned from that church
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
