I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you had me at cake vodka
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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